I’d like to preface this post by saying that I love the shit out of my mom. She is literally my second favorite person (my first favorite person is my dad–don’t worry, she knows).
It was a hard week for Debbie Smith. My dad was in California on business, my brother at school in Connecticut, and I was in Brooklyn. As everyone knows, it snowed a lot this week in the eastern New York-area. My mom works in education, and with schools closed for most of the week, she was sorta trapped inside. What was about to happen could be titled “Home Alone 6: The Jew Without a Shovel.”
Some guys have a group text to talk about sports and girlz. Some gals have a group text to talk about cupcakes and boyz. I have a group text with my mom and dad and brother. It is the most hilarious one I’m part of.
I woke up every morning this week to a group text from my mom (seemingly, the next mayor-elect), with the following information: whether or not alternate side parking was suspended, whether or not schools were closed in Long Island and NYC, and how many coupons she’d received via her only human contact; the mailman.
Monday, February 3rd – 5:15pm
Mom: I shoveled from 2:38-4:48!! I needed to watch a YouTube video on shoveling!! I was dressed very warm in lots of layers but my toes were frozen … Sandy helped with his snow blower a little … I get an E for EFFORT!!!! Having hot chocolate now.
My dad likely had a panic attack in sunny California upon receiving this message. He probably thought seriously of flying home just to shovel, and return in time for his meeting the next morning. I decided to stay at my parent’s house that night to keep my little momma company. We had my Great Grandma Ruth’s Split Pea Soup and watched some reality television.
Tuesday, February 4th – 5:43pm
Mom: [a picture of Violet Beauregarde from "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory"]. I want it NOW!!! Lol.
Dad: Where do you get that stuff?
Bro: Hahahaha what?
Mom: Hahahaha- I want a blueberry!
An incorrect Wonka reference (Veruca Salt is the bratty one). A craving for out-of-season fruit. Things were starting to look grim.
Wednesday, February 5th – 12:32pm
Mom: The poor mailman’s footprints [picture]!!! I have to go out in this freezing rain and shovel the ice in Dad’s ski pants from the 1980′s!!!
Me: Don’t bother shoveling.
Dad: Really Deb don’t shovel… just clean your car and put ice melt down when it stops raining.
And then, as if from the trenches; an update
Mom: Shoveled the heavy, icy, wet snow in the rain from 1:15-2:00!!! Rocco helped me a little.. Exhausted and having soup and grilled cheese!!! You would laugh at my bad case of hat hair!!! Lol.
Me: You crazy, g. I’m writing a blog post about this.
Mom: It better be true and funny and I need to edit it first!
Our little Debbie was braving the storm as best as she could. In between snow updates, she was–despite each of us being at work or in class–persistent in her request for us to watch her Facebook movie. We were “the STARS,” she said.
She was back to work on Thursday, and back on her coupon game on Friday.
Friday, February 7th – 5:25pm
Mom: Just used my $10.00 Bday coupon at Express and bought Melissa this cool bracelet [picture]!!! Off to the GAP.
Got nothing at the GAP Could not even use my $20.00 coupon!!! Next time… mani/pedi at 7
Manicured and warm, I have high hopes for my mom’s future snowstorm success.
Note: this post is definitely true, potentially funny. Mom received zero editing privileges.